English-Pro als Lektor für Synchronisation meiner SC2-Mission gesucht

[v1rtu4l1ty]

English-Pro als Lektor für Synchronisation meiner SC2-Mission gesucht

Hallo!

glücklicherweise bin ich in die StarCraft 2 BETA gerutscht, wobei mich daran weniger die BETA selbst als vielmehr der zur Verfügung gestellte Editor funktioniert. Ich habe natürlich gleich losgelegt, und nach 6 Tagen ist die Intro-Sequenz fertig. Nun habe mich im Gegensatz zu früheren Projekten entschieden, gleich alles in Englisch zu verfassen. Zu einem guten Intro gehört natürlich auch eine grammatisch korrekte Sprachausgabe der "Schauspieler". Und hier ist mein Problem: Weder bin ich ein Genie was die Grammatik der Sprache betrifft, noch habe ich die geringste Ahnung wie man im US Army-Slang so redet (mal abgesehen von dem, was man aus Filmen mitbekommt). Vertu' ich mich nur mal in einer Zeitform hört sichs dann allerdings schonwieder ausgesprochen dämlich an.

Daher suche ich jemanden mit sehr guten Fähigkeiten was die Sprache betrifft der sich bereit erklärt folgende Textabschnitte durchzulesen und ggf. zu berichtigen. Ja, ist sehr viel, aber vllt. hat ja jemand Spass dran?

Introtext:

"The Planet of Na'ar" (soweit sollte es noch stimmen... ha)

"The ruins on this ancient protoss auxiliary world got recently disturbed when Terran Dominion Tau Squadron arrived on it. Their mission: To protect an expedition of dominion scientists sent to dig up and survey the many burial sites located in the planet's vast jungles." (z.B. unsicher ob "dig up and survey" die richtige Wortwahl ist)

"Since the planet was abandoned by the protoss long ago this was considered to be an easy task."

"However, after the first operations being nothing but uneventful, contact was lost with Excavation Site B several hours ago. Captain Jon Victor, Tau Squadron Commander-in-charge of the mission, sent out aerial scouts to learn what happened to the team stationed at Site B."

"This was 2 hours ago. Meanwhile, the marines stationed at the Tau Squadron base camp are eagerly awaiting their return..." (This? That? "Marines" groß/klein?)

Konversation A:

Marine A ist so der Typ ungehobelter Veteranen-Klotz, Marine B eher Typ vorsichtig und ohne Rückgrat.

Marine A: "Still no word from the marines at excavation site B, yet. Maybe they're just pissed to watch over all these digging scientists all night long. Bet they just skipped their duties to have a sip of that fine Mar Sara Whiskey again. Hah." (Sagen Sie vllt. eher "buddies", "boys", ... zu ihren Kameraden?! These/Those? Mar Sara Whiskey hört sich auch seltsam an)

Marine B: "Don't be talking like that. This planet just scares the hell outta me. I've heard stories of ancient Protoss Templars being laid to rest at the burial sites we're just digging up. Some say that these will rise from the dead to bloody punish us for that."

Marine A: "C'mon boy, there ain't no freaking ghosts. Sounds like a story mommy tells them kids to have them staying home at night."

Marine B: "That's what you say. I've heard enough of those alien freaks to believe this shit. Whatever, I will not be easier until I know whats's going on over there."

Marine A: "No sweat boy, they'll be back soon enough telling us stories about filled up marines laying scattered all about the dig. Let's return to duty before the Captain hears you talkin' like some scared little girl."

Marine B: "Aye, you're right. He wouldn't be happy about that."

Marine A: "You bet."

Konversation B:

Der Captain ist natürlich der Ultra-Veteran-vieler-Schlachten-Typ. Der Scout so der Normalo-Soldat, die Wache eben ein Statist.

Captain: "Private, status report."

Scout: "Well, nothing to report captain."

Captain: "What kind of a report is that? Be serious, soldier!" (Soll halt iwie ausdrücken dass er denkt der Kundschafter will ihn verarschen)

Scout: "No offense meant, captain. I mean it literally. There was just... nothing. No marines, no scientists, no workcrew. Hell, the whole site is abandoned."

Captain: "What does that mean? Someone attacked them?"

Scout: "Don't know, Sir. No corpses, no signs of battle."

Wache: "Captain, maybe they're already on their way back here to the camp? There's some explanation on that, for sure." (v.A. der letzte Satz ist garantiert nicht richtig?)

Scout: "No, they definately did not leave the site. Everything's still there. The equipment, the vehicles. Plus we would've seen 'em on our way back. We checked the whole route from the excavation site back to the camp."

Captain: "What could have happened to them? Hall [Name der Wache], send out some men to scout the area between here and the excavation site, just to make sure."

Wache: "Yes Sir!"

Captain: "You, continue to survey the surrounding area from air. I'll inform HQ and lead a squad to check up on Site B. To locate the missing team has top priority. Damn it, they could not just have vanished." (und wieder: survey? Letzer Satz vom Satzbau korrekt?!)

Wer so weit gekommen ist: Danke fürs zulesen.

 

[Worrel]

AW: English-Pro als Lektor für Synchronisation meiner SC2-Mission gesucht

"The ruins on this ancient protoss auxiliary world recently got disturbed by an arriving Terran Dominion Tau Squadron.
[...]

"Since the planet has been abandoned by the protoss for a long time this was considered to be an easy mission."

"However, after the first operations being nothing but uneventful, contact with excavation site B was lost several hours ago. Captain Jon Victor, Tau Squadron commander-in-charge of the mission, sent out aerial scouts to learn what happened to the team stationed at site B."

"The scouts left 2 hours ago. Meanwhile, the marines stationed at the Tau Squadron base camp are eagerly awaiting their return..."

Konversation A:

Marine A ist so der Typ ungehobelter Veteranen-Klotz, Marine B eher Typ vorsichtig und ohne Rückgrat.

Marine A: "Still no word from the marines at excavation site B yet. Maybe they're just too pissed to watch over all these digging scientists all night long. Bet they just skipped their duties to have a sip of that fine Mar Sara whiskey again. Hah." (Sagen Sie vllt. eher "buddies", "boys", ... zu ihren Kameraden?! These/Those? Mar Sara Whiskey hört sich auch seltsam an)

Marine B: "Don't be talking like that. This planet just scares the hell outta me. I've heard stories of ancient Protoss templars being laid to rest at the burial sites we're just digging up. Some say that these will rise from the dead to bloody punish us for that."

Marine A: "C'mon boy, there ain't no freaking ghosts. Sounds like a story mommy tells them kids to have them staying at home at night."

Marine B: "That's what you say. I've heard enough of those alien freaks to believe this shit. Whatever, I will not be easier until I know whats's going on over there."

Marine A: "No sweat boy, they'll be back soon enough telling us stories about filled up marines laying scattered all about the dig. Let's return to duty before the Captain hears you talkin' like some scared little girl."

Marine B: "Aye, you're right. He wouldn't be happy about that."

Marine A: "You bet."

Konversation B:

Der Captain ist natürlich der Ultra-Veteran-vieler-Schlachten-Typ. Der Scout so der Normalo-Soldat, die Wache eben ein Statist.

Captain: "Private, status report."

Scout: "Well, Nothing to report, Sir captain."

Captain: "What kind of a report is that? Be serious Details, soldier!" (Soll halt iwie ausdrücken dass er denkt der Kundschafter will ihn verarschen)

Scout: "No offense meant, captain. I mean it literally. There was just... nothing. No marines, no scientists, no workcrew. Hell, the whole site is abandoned."

Captain: "What are you saying does that mean? Someone attacked them?"

Scout: "Don't know, Sir. There are no corpses, no signs of battle."

Wache: "Captain, m Maybe they're already on their way back here to the camp? Quite reasonable behaviour, if you ask me.There's some explanation on that, for sure." (v.A. der letzte Satz ist garantiert nicht richtig?)

Scout: "No, they definately didn't leave the site. Everything's still there. The equipment, the vehicles. Plus we would've seen 'em on our way back. We checked the whole route from the excavation site back to the camp."

Captain: "What could have happened to them? Hall [Name der Wache], send out some men to scout the area between here and the excavation site, just to make sure."

Wache: "Yes Sir!"

Captain: "You, continue to survey the surrounding area from air. I'll inform HQ and lead a squad to check up on site B. To locate the missing team has top priority. Damn it, they could not just have vanished into thin air."

Also das würde ich alles ändern